Tag Archive | mothering questions

Pleasing Wanted

A young woman named Pleasing gave birth to a child she named Wanted. Pleasing’s goal in life was to make sure Wanted was always happy. Pleasing’s childhood was fraught with sadness and she wanted a different life for her child.

She fed Wanted only the foods that made him happy. She let him pull the dog’s tail and bite the neighbor kid because it brought Wanted joy. As Wanted grew older, Pleasing made sure to attend to his every need so that he would remain happy. She did all the household chores and protested when his teachers admonished him for not turning in his homework. Schoolwork made Wanted feel stifled and kept him from what really made him happy: sleeping in late and playing video games. When Wanted became an adult, Pleasing made sure he had the money he needed for dates and gasoline for his car. She continued to clean his room, cooked his meals and did his laundry. These things made Wanted happy.

In middle age, Pleasing had gone bankrupt and was weary after all the years of making Wanted happy. She couldn’t figure out why other mothers in the neighborhood had the energy to do fun things and why their children seemed self-sufficient. They had all started careers and families of their own. Wanted, on the other hand, was still living at home, had become overweight, unhealthy, dependant on others and had no friends. Pleasing couldn’t figure out why Wanted felt so empty and depressed.

Hadn’t she done everything to make him happy? Pleasing wondered.

My sweet mother, this is a fictional story of course.  Nevertheless, through it, I pause to think about my role as parent. Perhaps you can relate on some level with Pleasing. She wanted to save her child from the unhappiness she innocently experienced as a child. Perhaps you too want your children to experience a happiness you never knew. While there is nothing wrong with being happy, can I persuade you to think about wholeness over happiness? What you needed as a child and what your children need is a wholeness that comes with proper perspective. What makes a child whole are love and nurture, but also teaching and discipline. That means our children will not always be happy. They will not like us sometimes. But that’s just fine because what we want them to have is something better: the joy and confidence that comes with a personal character that is in alignment with God’s design.

Scriptures: The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice. Proverbs 23: 24-25

The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. Proverbs 29:15

Prayer: Lord, please help me to raise my children in the way you have lovingly directed. Please help me to teach and discipline them and not grow weary. Help me to see the big picture of their lives and not give in to their unhealthy wants today.

Photo compliments of Wikipedia

I Don’t Know

When I became a mother, I felt like I had to have the answer to all of my child’s questions. What if she thinks less of me when I don’t know the answer? If I don’t give her an answer, maybe someone else will and it’ll be the wrong one. What I have discovered since those panicky first years (and beyond) is that I don’t have to have all the answers. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know”. As a matter of fact, if we always have the answer, we give our children an unrealistic perspective about knowledge. Knowledge isn’t just knowing the answers to stuff, it’s knowing where to find the answers.

So now I may say, “I don’t know but I’ll find out”. Or even better: “I don’t know but let’s find out together.” And as our children grow older and more capable, the best thing we can sometimes say is “I don’t know, why don’t you look that up and let me know what you find”.

Do I always give these wise answers? No. I’m a creature of habit and I still find myself shooting off an answer in haste. But on the days when I’m thinking fast on my feet, I try to involve my child in finding the answers.

Many questions await our children in the world beyond our front doors. Let us use the opportunity now to teach them how and where to find the answers they will need.

James 1:5

Photo courtesy Microsoft free images

Smart Work

Do you feel you have to do everything yourself?  I used to feel that way until I found myself in an exhausted heap.  That’s about the time I discovered that some of history’s most accomplished people learned the secret of smart work.

Do you remember the story about Moses appointing judges (Exodus 18)? Moses had led thousands of Israelites out of Egypt. He served as their only judge, hearing and resolving all of their disputes. (Mediating our children’s disputes is a tiring job. Can you imagine breaking up spats between thousands?)

Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law saw that Moses was going to wear himself out and wind up in a loony bin (my description).  When Jethro asked Moses why he was doing all the work by himself, Moses said, “Because the people come to me to seek God’s will.”  (Exodus 18:14-15)

I can relate to Moses’ response—doing things because they need doing. But sometimes I need to stop and ask myself about the “why” and “how” of my work.  Jethro told Moses that there were other well-qualified men standing around doing nothing and that Moses needed to delegate.  (Sounds like Moses was working hard but not smart.)

Some of us need a Jethro—someone to shake us out of the belief that we have to do everything ourselves. Can I be that person for you today? YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALL YOURSELF. Hire a babysitter periodically or swap babysitting with a friend. If you are able, get someone to help you with housework. They may not do it exactly as you would. But, so what? When our kids were toddlers, my friend and I joined forces and cleaned our houses together while our kids played. We finished a lot quicker than when we cleaned our houses separately.  When either of us did shopping at the big warehouse store, we’d pick up things for one another. Figure out your own way to delegate and share duties. You’ll be happier and so will your family.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Photo courtesy Microsoft free images

It’s Understandable

If you are an adult child of an alcoholic, addict or a dysfunctional parent, it is understandable if parenting scares you to death. Growing up in a chaotic and unpredictable environment would make most of us feel unsure and frightened. And these feelings don’t go away just because we grow up. Becoming a mother can even magnify those fears. You may wonder, “I don’t know what normal looks like. How do I show my love for my children? How can I raise a child when I don’t know the answers?”

Few mothers delve into parenting knowing exactly what to do. Much of our mothering, especially in the early years, comes from instinct. Don’t underestimate it. The rest comes by way of learning from others and old-fashioned trial and error. But most important is our reliance upon God who promises to give us wisdom and guidance.

Despite your unsure or fearful feelings, you can do this job well–not perfectly, because that’s impossible–but well.

Take advantage of the help that is available through organizations such as MOPS International and Moms In Prayer (formerly Moms In Touch).

God’s promises:

Isaiah 54:13

James 1:5

Photo courtesy Google Free Images

You, A Work of Art

Portrait of the artis's mother

Image via Wikipedia

Do you remember the song by Stevie Wonder with the lyrics that go, “Isn’t she lovely? Isn’t she wonderful?” In my early years as a mother, there were days when I didn’t feel wonderful and I definitely didn’t feel lovely.  I felt lost and ill equipped to be a mother. On days like that when I could find a babysitter, I’d visit the Huntington Museum in nearby Pasadena, California.

One section of the museum show cased paintings by the Masters. The paintings were so beautiful: rich reds, deep greens and textures painted so vividly that it seemed if I touched them, I could actually feel the fibers. Sometimes the beauty of these works would bring me to tears. How could any mere human create such works of beauty? These paintings helped to brighten my spirits.

This morning I was reading in Ephesians 2:10 that we are God’s workmanship. It hit me that if artists, who are mere humans, can create such awesome works of beauty, how much more beautifully has God created us.

You are a mother designed with rich color and dimension by the paint strokes of the Master Artist who doesn’t make mistakes. You are a precious work of art. God made you that way. And he ordained your role as a mother. Believe this, even on days when you don’t feel beautiful or valued. You are a treasure shining in God’s treasure chest. You are important to him. You are of supreme value and beauty to your children, even when no one says so.

Power In A Jar

Have you ever been in that place–wanting to help your children but not knowing how? I’ve definitely been there more than a few times. It’s a hard thing watching your child struggle and feeling powerless to help.

I was reading 2 Corinthians 4:7 this morning and  it reminded me that  in my  limited abilities, I can do nothing. But with God’s power, I (and my children) can do all things.

The answer is the same for all followers of Christ. Through our dependence upon His power we are victorious.

2 Corinthians 4:7
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

Photo courtesy Wikimedia.org http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pottery_Ghana.jpg#file

Creative Commons

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creative_Commons

Ready To Hold Your Hand

I stood with my mother and father on a bustling sidewalk lined with vendors selling baskets of apples and oranges. The sea of red and orange distracted me and I let go of my father’s hand to feel the fruit mounded up in the baskets. I turned back to grasp my father’s hand but it wasn’t there. I looked up as far as my little neck would allow but all I saw was strangers. I ran yelling down the street. “Daddy. Daddy.” My heart pumped wildly and I could feel the heat of panic rising up under my coat. I was alone. I was lost. Abandoned.
Unbeknownst to me, my father had been there right beside me at the apple stand. He couldn’t figure out why I suddenly bolted and started running down the street. Finally, he caught up with me. “Why did you run away?” he said.
“I lost you, I couldn’t find you,” I cried.
“But I was there all the time, right next to you, even when you were running, I was running after you.”

This happens to mom sometimes. We’re walking down the road of parenting holding on to the Lord’s hand. Then someone comes out with a new parenting book and we’re all over it. After all, we want to be the best mothers we can be so surely the more information the better. Right?

Bookstores have complete sections dedicated to parenting books: some good, some not very useful. Yet God’s word is a consistent and ultimate guide for parenting. It is the foundation—the building block. No doubt, we will glean parenting wisdom from others. But when we turn away from God’s parenting truths and then grow weary chasing after the latest trends, God is right there with us, ready to grab our hand again, gently guiding us back to the the road of parenting. All we need do is ask.
Ezekiel 34:16
I will search for the lost and bring back the strays…